Due to a freak natural occurrence – which was actually very cool, it just had terrible timing – I wasn’t able to write about last night’s game. Lightning struck, simultaneously with the loudest thunder boom I had ever heard, right outside our townhouse complex, knocking out power for about 30 minutes and causing multiple car alarms to go off.

I felt like I was in Auschwitz right before liberation.

I think we can all agree that that last sentence was in poor taste. Very poor taste. Nazi references in general are not funny and typically frowned upon. That common knowledge didn’t stop our favorite hack disaster ESPN columnist Jemele Hill from equating cheering for the Celtics to being a Hitler sympathizer and rooting for Communist Russia to drop a nuclear bomb on the United States (no, I’m not making this up).

You can visit the article here, but you will no longer find that reference. The ESPN editors finally woke up and removed the following sentence from the catastrophe of an article:

“Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It's like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan.”

Too late, though, as most media outlets picked up on it and allowed us a peek into the true mind of Jemele Hill. Frightening. Red’s Army is calling for her to be fired (and it’s hard to argue with them), but that’s not why I’m writing today. I figured that since I let everyone down with the lack of a game recap, I’d give Jemele the ol’ Fire Joe Morgan treatment again and beg for your forgiveness. Without further ado…

I thought it wouldn't bother me. I thought I would be OK. Turns out, I was as wrong as Skip Bayless.

I'm not sure I can handle seeing Ray Allen , Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett -- three of the NBA's most likable players -- hoist the Larry O'Brien trophy.

I’m not sure I can handle reading your inane, moronic columns but I manage to pull through. It’s amazing what the human body and mind can endure. But, humor me, Jemele. Why can’t you handle seeing 3 of the admittedly most likable NBA players lift a trophy into the air?

Not that there's anything wrong with those three guys, but old dislikes die hard. I came of age in my NBA fandom in the 1980s.

Jemele, you do realize that all three of those players were in middle school during the 80’s, right? They had no impact on the NBA.

Being from Detroit, you already know what that era means to me.

Should be full of fond memories. Detroit made 9 consecutive playoff trips, capped off with 3 consecutive trips to the big show and back-to-back championships. The glory era for Pistons basketball. But if that’s not what you’re referring to, then no, I don’t know what that means to you.

I've seen too many replays of Robert Parish's 1-2 combination on Bill Laimbeer; seen Kevin McHale go Plastic Man on the Pistons in the post too many times; witnessed too many of Danny Ainge's whiny expressions; and heard too much of "Bird steals the pass!" to ever be completely comfortable with the idea of the Boston Celtics winning an NBA title.

They’ve won 16, so, I mean, you should at least be comfortable with the idea… may not be happy with it, but it really shouldn’t be a shock to your system.

No question, the Celtics deserve to win this series. They've been the best team all season. They've outplayed the Lakers. They've smothered Kobe Bryant . They practically have Pau Gasol in the fetal position sucking his thumb.

Hey, you’re making sense!!! You can do it! Now, just don’t stop. Please, keep the sane-train rolling…

In fact, I hope the Celtics close this series out in Game 5. Because when they do, I'll be on a plane, loaded up with red wine and trail mix, making my way to ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, Conn.

Damn. Knew it was too good to be true. Now, let me make sure I have this straight… You’re an ESPN columnist who frequently writes about the NBA. You’ve been writing about the finals for a few weeks now. But you hope that, during the deciding game, when the entire season wraps up, that you are on a plane and are unable to watch? You’re a professional sports columnist, right? You get paid a lot of money, right? Just checking.

In December I wrote the Celtics' resurgence was a good thing because it rekindled my passion for the NBA. There's nothing like an old-fashioned rivalry to make you appreciate a sport.

Now I wish the Celtics had gone 0-82. I think I'm kidding.

You think you’re kidding? I’ve got myself one of them fancy English diplomas, have spent about 10 minutes of my life trying to break that sentence down and I still have no clue what that sentence means. ESPN actually pays you to write, correct? I just need to have that reinforced for me every sentence or so…

Equally appalling is that some of my friends -- people I consider hardcore Detroiters -- have actually been rooting for the Celtics in the Finals. That's just gross. If you're from Detroit, and you're at peace with the idea of the Celtics winning another NBA title, immediately hurl yourself off the Ambassador Bridge.

As you’ve stated, we were the best team this year and played the best brand of basketball. This sentence should read: “If you’re at peace with the idea of an accused rapist who threw his young teammates under the bus, got the NBA’s most dominating player thrown out of town, pouted for the entire summer, demanded a trade and only stopped whining when his team literally stole one of the best, young centers in the NBA, winning a title, then you should imimediately change your name to Jemele Hill and begin cashing large paychecks from the corporation formally known as the Worldwide Leader in Sports.”

Rooting for the Celtics is like supporting inflation, unemployment and locusts. It's like praying for Eva Mendes to get married and for Brad Pitt to be disfigured.

It's like wishing dollar bills and free time for Pacman Jones. It's like hoping the pit bull doesn't take Michael Vick's pinky as a memento. It's like wanting Ron Artest's raps on repeat. It's like coveting fungus.

Yes, this paragraph once including the aforementioned Hilter and pro-destruction of America metaphors as well. Always a crowd pleaser. Seriously, though… “coveting fungus”?

Celtics fans, I'm aware you're probably plotting to kill me as you read this,

No, just wishing ESPN would fire you and put the world out of its misery.

but think of it this way: Even if you liked certain individual Yankees, even if you respected their brilliance as a team -- and I'm going to guess that's happened a few times -- does it ever sit right with you when the Yankees succeed?

Actually, yes. If an organization compiles the best talents (as the Yankees used to do), and dominates their opponents on the field (as the Yankees used to do), then I’m ok with them winning. That’s how sports works. Am I happy when they win? No. But I also don’t try to convince the world that they should commit suicide if they’re “comfortable” with the Yankees winning.

I realize most people don't consider the Boston-Detroit rivalry the same as Yankees-Red Sox,

Because it’s not.

but besides the Colorado Avalanche, no team was hated in Detroit more than the Celtics.

Championship envy is understandable. While your three trophies look nice, they don’t quite compare to our 16.

There was a certain amount of begrudging appreciation for the Lakers because Magic is from Michigan and won an NCAA championship at Michigan State.

Fair enough. Always nice to see one of your own succeed.

But the Celtics? If you showed any appreciation for them anytime in the '80s in Detroit, you risked being Jimmy Hoffa'ed.

Personally I would’ve gone with “Rodney King’d” here, which is still far-less offensive than Hitler.

Admittedly, to some degree it was about race.

And the truth shall be set free!!

Detroit is 80 percent African-American, and as my colleague J.A. Adande stated in a fantastic piece on the Celtics earlier this season, the mostly white Celtics teams of the past had a tough time being accepted by black audiences.

I’m not going to bother giving you the pro-African American history of the Boston Celtics Jemele, but since this issue is so important to you, you think you’d do some research on your own. And, to be fair, not a single 80’s Celtics team was “mostly white”. At most, it was 50/50, which, if race mattered at all (which it shouldn’t) should’ve made you happy. That’s equality. So, what you’re basically saying is, you couldn’t stand rooting for white people. As if you hadn’t lost enough credibility already with your insane/incoherent articles.

Boston was viewed by African-Americans as a racially intolerant city.

And most of those people had never stepped foot in Boston, so their opinions really shouldn’t matter.

Boston was the home of the infamous Charles Stuart case -- in which a white man murdered his pregnant wife and blamed it on a black suspect who didn't exist.

So, since there was one racially-charged incident, they must all be racists! I hope KG, Pierce and Allen (all three of which are black) never win a championship because their best player used to be white and once a white guy blamed his crime on a black man! That’ll show ‘em!

Those feelings toward the city and the Celtics have subsided, in large part because our own racial attitudes have progressed.

And because people are realizing how far off base the racist reputation is. See: Barry Bonds.

But this isn't about race.

Then why did we spend the past five minutes discussing it?

This is rivalry. This is tradition. Considering Detroit is America's favorite impoverished punch line, it probably hurts every Detroiter just a little to see Boston succeed.

So, it’s about economies now? You’re jealous that Boston is wealthier than Detroit? Then, why the hell don’t you downright despise LA which is far far far wealthier than Boston. But, what is it about Jemele!?!?! Just tell us what this is about!?!?!

The Pistons have lived a charmed existence in this decade and haven't had to worry about a serious challenge from their most hated rival. That is, until now.

Read: Competition is bad!

New flash Jemele: The Pistons have been done for some time now. This series has nothing to do with them. It’s about Boston and LA. A true rivalry.

If the Celtics win this title, there is a sense that this isn’t a punctuation mark to the careers of Pierce, Garnett and Allen, but the beginning of an era of anguish for Detroiters.

Again, it has nothing to do with Detroit! No one cares about you anymore! You lost. Get over it.

It's an anguish, I'm finding, that never truly goes away.

Sort of like the pain of reading your columns.